Monday, November 15, 2010
Lol Music's New Rating System
This is Captain Pownzor of Lol music. It has come to my attention that in our reviews LoL music has been missing a quintessential part of what it truly means to review music in the truest form of music bloggery.
A universal rating system for our reviews.
"oh shoot" I responded when I realized this terrible error in our format.
So for months we toyed around and tested with some rating systems to perfect our own. We tried stars, they were pointy. We tried gold records which were way too flashy. We tried boners but that was just way too sexist. We just couldn't agree on a rating system that could express our feelings towards music properly. So with limited options we decided to come up with our own revolutionary rating system.
Specifically one with a denominator of 5.
That's right henceforth when we write a review for a song or an album or whatever, your probably going to see a fraction attached to it.
Don't be afraid of this mathematical jargon, its fairly easy to determine.
Our feelings towards a song will be represented fractionally as follows:
A 0/5 rating for Lol music would, upon listening to the track make us feel like we were listening to a pair of alley-cats being beaten by our grandmother while she has loud intercourse with a vuvuzela. (If we give a band this rating they should consider never playing music again, the song we are listening to is just gross).
As a second example, the 2.5/5 rating is in the best sense of any word a "Meh"
Alternately, a 5/5 rating is nothing short of what is known in the review business as an EARGASM (If we give a band this rating we want to bear their children).
Anything in between is really just a sliding scale so interpret it as you will.
Fractions, Fractions, Fractions. A beautiful, original and absolutely not a cop-out rating system in any way shape or form, brought to you first by the creative minds at LoL music.
Stay tuned for reviews featuring our new and revolutionary "Fraction Ratings" in reviews.
Posted by Cpt Pownzor at 10:26 PM